Today, I went and ran around town to use craft coupons to get some items to start a new part of my crafting business. The traffic was terrible, and it also didn't help Jimmy Johns was doing one dollar sandwiches during lunch time. One of the Jimmy John locations is near a craft store, so it was really congested to get into that area at all.
I received good news from my doctor today. I had blood work taken two days ago to see if there was any underlying issues cause my depression and anxiety. My blood work came back completely normal. So while my body says I am currently physically healthy, besides my adorable chubbiness, it is kind of depressing knowing I can't blame some condition on why my mind is the way it is. Isn't that the human thing to do though? You want to blame someone for why you are acting "crazy". Oh well, another day goes on and I battled it through again. Even though the traffic today almost caused a few panic attacks.
My oldest son has been having a rough day today. He wanted to be more isolated from other kids. So his daddy went and spent alone time with him at grandmas house. My oldest basically lives with my parents. People say why?! And they also question my husband and I's ability to take care of him. What people don't understand is Austyn himself. If my husband and I didn't have our other two kids, Austyn would be more and capable enough to live with us. When Lexy and Ryder came along, he pushed away from them. He needed his routine which my parents could easily do since my dad has been at the same job for over 20 years, my mom stays at home. But he also needed his isolation. He loves us very much and we love him. That will never change. I get up early in the morning every morning to make his lunch for school, wake my youngest two and feed them breakfast, then go to my parent's house which is only like 5 blocks away. And make sure all my kids including Austyn is ready for the school day. Lexy has started homework this year so I haven't done much with Austyn on his homework, but I stay informed and involved. I talk to him about any problems and set up whatever he needs to get things done. He goes all day at school, then plays a bit after school, then he does an hour of homework.
Okay, an hour of homework... People think, okay? So?
Well, put simply, and doing one thing I hate to do is telling you a comparison. Austyn is a very smart kid. His inattention is a very big issue when his medicine runs out of his system. So if I gave Lexy and Austyn the same kind of homework, Austyn would take an hour, Lexy would take maximum 20 minutes. We have to make sure he is redirected OFTEN to be able to complete his work because the medicine is all out of his system when he gets out of school.
Now, I am sure I know tons of people who are against medicating ADHD, or even against the fact ADHD exist. I can tell you now that I have noticed the symptoms of ADHD in Austyn since he was about two to three years old. I can also tell you, my husband also has ADHD but went undiagnosed, which I think caused some issues before him and I met. I keep my husband on track and routine which I think helps him greatly. My son will get to the point he can be so independent and working hard just like his daddy.
If you research ADHD, some ADHD adults run into having addiction issues. It could be to anything, but my husbands was alcohol. He drank a lot before we met. When we met he slowed WAY down. Then we found out we were pregnant with our first child (Austyn), and now it's a very rare occasion that he drinks. Even if he drinks, it's like one beer. I don't want Austyn to get into financial issues which ADHD adults do have issues with, or addiction issues. Which is why it is highly recommended that family or friends stay on top of him and make sure he is doing okay.
There is times I hope Austyn can go without medicine when he reaches adulthood but I won't be disappointed if he does need medicine. It helps him, and he tells me it helps him. He knows he can get through school easier with the medication. He can finish his work, focus on new lessons, and that's because his medication helps him focus.
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My mother and I have an amazing relationship with each other. We talked about Austyn's symptoms of ADHD since we first saw them. My only regret is I was scared to get him diagnosed because then he would be labeled at school. I think a lot of mental or physically disabled people have the capabilities to learn. When I was growing up, I seen many capable disabled students who could have a very bright mind, ignored and put into a classroom where they were just babysat instead of learning at least to be somewhat independent. We didn't get Austyn officially diagnosed until middle of kindergarten year. I was relieved that his teacher was willing to do whatever she could to make sure he was doing well with his medication while in the classroom. I still fear for that darn standardized testing. I know Austyn is smart. I fear he will fail, I fear they will try to keep him back, and I am prepared to homeschool him by any means necessary. I put him in public school so he could socialize. He NEEDED to socialize. He was the only child in the whole family for almost three years, so his "friends" were just his parents and grandparents.
Austyn is an amazing kid. He has such a big heart and he loves to try to make people laugh. I am so blessed to have him as my child.
Now people are probably questioning if I am hurt by the fact my oldest basically doesn't live with me. I won't lie, it sucks. But I never quit being involved in his life. Yes, I had days where I cried. I had days where I looked into his empty bed, wishing he was sleeping in it and I could just watch. It's hard, I still have days where It really gets to me, but he is loved. He knows that my husband and I love him so much. He is included in everything. He does Christmas, Easter and birthdays here at our home.
Austyn is my son, always will be my son. He knows that I will fight for him, that I will help him, that I would die for him.
Well, I feel better to get that off my chest. I know people won't understand my situation or I guess it's Austyn's situation. I just hope people don't think I just threw him on my parents lap and waved goodbye and walked away. I didn't, I would never. He is my little boy, always will be.
I better get going to bed, tomorrow is Friday. Ryder and I are planning a lunch date and park fun so I need to be well rested. Goodnight.
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