I know I haven't came on here and written in a long while. It's been crazy these last two weeks. My van was out of commission for awhile due to a mess up at the gas supplier. Then I was busy with just everyday life.
My new medicine (for my anxiety and depression) has gotten me to be able to go to sleep at night but not through the night. I have been waking up random times throughout the night and last night I woke up about 3am. I look at my phone always to see what time it is. I notice I have notifications on my phone. I see there is a horrific shooting in Las Vegas. My first thought was, why? Innocent concert goers just enjoying some fun, and the next thing they know they are being shot at. What is even more heartbreaking is they were doing what they were taught. "GET DOWN STAY DOWN" Unfortunately for this situation, the shooter was up high and you had be under something in order to escape it.
I know there are bad people in the world but it still shocks me every time I heard of a tragic happening. I always want to know why and most of the time I don't get that answer.
My prayers go out to those effected by this shooting. There are lives lost, people injured and hearts broken. I will never understand the reason by wanting to hurt other people. ESPECIALLY people you don't know. Their lives will be effected forever.
I know I should write more but when a tragic event happens like it did last night you just want to hug your loved ones a little tighter.
Many prayers to Las Vegas.
Monday, October 2, 2017
Saturday, September 16, 2017
September 16th, 2017
It was a busy day today. I took my kids to a place that has a bunch of bounce houses for a couple hours, then McDonalds with a playground, then to a big playground at a park. My mind was kept busy all day.
Ryder (who will be 3 next month) had been smacked in the face by a kid at the bounce house place. It ruined his mood for the rest of the day. The child was forced to apologize by his mom and I tried to get Ryder calmed by playing a couple arcade games. Lexy talked my head off today. She didn't do much playing, more chatting. Austyn was in a bad mood this morning but was happier throughout the day.
Right now, I am baking a cake in my oven to decorate it tomorrow in a Halloween theme to see if can get some preorders for Halloween time. I love to decorate cakes. I am not an expert by any means but I love giving it my best.
Ryder wants a dinosaur themed birthday party. He had one last year but wants one again this year. So I got to think of another clever idea for a birthday cake. I did a stegosaurus one last year, it was a hit with the family.
Before my husband left for work, I gave him a kiss (which I always do), and a hug (rarely do). I am not much of a touchy feely type of person. I can cuddle with my kids, but it gets me all anxious to even hug my grandma. It is an uncomfortable thing for me. I wasn't always like that. I used to see my friends in high school and hug them every time I saw them. I don't know what changed. My husband and I aren't the PDA type. We love each other so much, but we just don't really do much of that kind of thing. Today though, it was really nice to just hug him. If he didn't have to go to work I probably would of held on much longer. We don't even cuddle. I guess we are a weird couple.
Gerardo and I met at a mutual friend birthday party in Gerardo's hometown. Which his hometown was an hour away from mine. We didn't really speak, but he got my attention. Some girl wanted to sing a song for the birthday person, so everyone was super quiet. Next thing you hear is Dave Chapelle doing an impression of some rapper ringtone came from Gerardo's cell phone. I turned to him and started laughing, he smiled right back. We didn't speak until I was getting ready to leave and he handed me his phone and asked for my number. He even called me that night to see if it was a real number. He texted me the next day and said he was going to my hometown and wanted to go on a date. We met up at Joe's Crab Shack and then walked around a Walmart talking forever. The date ended with him kissing me and we departed ways. We texted and called every day. We visited each other on weekends. We fell for each other pretty fast but it was the first time in my life a guy would text me first thing in the morning and tell me "good morning beautiful". He was the first guy who would dismiss my disability when I told him everything that was wrong with me on the first date. I remember telling him everything about me, my leg, the repeated staph infections, my hearing, EVERYTHING. He listened to everything I said and said that it wouldn't effect how he feels about me. Every since he had proven to me over and over again that he is always by my side no matter what is going on with me.
My parents liked him pretty well right away cause he works hard, and was supporting himself. Which is always a plus to parents. The only real issue was his family and my family didn't get along. His family didn't want Gerardo and I together, they weren't real pleased when my oldest looked pretty white skinned when he was about a week old. My parents let Gerardo move into their home (of course in a separate room from mine), and didn't even charge him much rent. I am sure they were leery at first but he has proven himself to be a caring man. He has shown them he really does love me and care for me. I am no saying he is the perfect man ever, he has his faults, but he never quits trying. He will do anything in the world for our kids. My parents see that. I am real glad Gerardo and my parents have a good relationship with each other. My mom is my best friend too, so when I tell Gerardo I want to go shopping with my mom, he says leave the kids and get. I do a lot with my mom because usually I am taking her to and from doctor appointments or always asking if she needs to go anywhere. Everyone is surprised her mustang (which is a 2001) hasn't even hit 100000 miles on it. I always say, its because I take her almost anywhere she needs to go.
My dad does sneaky things. I will give a true event that happened as an example. My mom, Austyn and I were traveling out of state. So the men were left home. One day my dad cooked a special sausage jambalaya meal just for Gerardo so he wouldn't have to worry about cooking one night. He surprised Gerardo with a huge tub-a-ware bowl of it. My dad isn't an expressive person but doing little things like that, then you know that my dad likes Gerardo.
My parents are amazing grandparents to Austyn, Lexy, and Ryder. They take them on all sorts of camping trips and educate them about each place they visit. They spoil them like crazy of course. It just so wonderful having them in the kids lives. Not everyone has that opportunity.
Well, My cakes are finished baking so I am going to go to bed now. Thank you for reading!
Ryder (who will be 3 next month) had been smacked in the face by a kid at the bounce house place. It ruined his mood for the rest of the day. The child was forced to apologize by his mom and I tried to get Ryder calmed by playing a couple arcade games. Lexy talked my head off today. She didn't do much playing, more chatting. Austyn was in a bad mood this morning but was happier throughout the day.
Right now, I am baking a cake in my oven to decorate it tomorrow in a Halloween theme to see if can get some preorders for Halloween time. I love to decorate cakes. I am not an expert by any means but I love giving it my best.
Ryder wants a dinosaur themed birthday party. He had one last year but wants one again this year. So I got to think of another clever idea for a birthday cake. I did a stegosaurus one last year, it was a hit with the family.
Before my husband left for work, I gave him a kiss (which I always do), and a hug (rarely do). I am not much of a touchy feely type of person. I can cuddle with my kids, but it gets me all anxious to even hug my grandma. It is an uncomfortable thing for me. I wasn't always like that. I used to see my friends in high school and hug them every time I saw them. I don't know what changed. My husband and I aren't the PDA type. We love each other so much, but we just don't really do much of that kind of thing. Today though, it was really nice to just hug him. If he didn't have to go to work I probably would of held on much longer. We don't even cuddle. I guess we are a weird couple.
Gerardo and I met at a mutual friend birthday party in Gerardo's hometown. Which his hometown was an hour away from mine. We didn't really speak, but he got my attention. Some girl wanted to sing a song for the birthday person, so everyone was super quiet. Next thing you hear is Dave Chapelle doing an impression of some rapper ringtone came from Gerardo's cell phone. I turned to him and started laughing, he smiled right back. We didn't speak until I was getting ready to leave and he handed me his phone and asked for my number. He even called me that night to see if it was a real number. He texted me the next day and said he was going to my hometown and wanted to go on a date. We met up at Joe's Crab Shack and then walked around a Walmart talking forever. The date ended with him kissing me and we departed ways. We texted and called every day. We visited each other on weekends. We fell for each other pretty fast but it was the first time in my life a guy would text me first thing in the morning and tell me "good morning beautiful". He was the first guy who would dismiss my disability when I told him everything that was wrong with me on the first date. I remember telling him everything about me, my leg, the repeated staph infections, my hearing, EVERYTHING. He listened to everything I said and said that it wouldn't effect how he feels about me. Every since he had proven to me over and over again that he is always by my side no matter what is going on with me.
My parents liked him pretty well right away cause he works hard, and was supporting himself. Which is always a plus to parents. The only real issue was his family and my family didn't get along. His family didn't want Gerardo and I together, they weren't real pleased when my oldest looked pretty white skinned when he was about a week old. My parents let Gerardo move into their home (of course in a separate room from mine), and didn't even charge him much rent. I am sure they were leery at first but he has proven himself to be a caring man. He has shown them he really does love me and care for me. I am no saying he is the perfect man ever, he has his faults, but he never quits trying. He will do anything in the world for our kids. My parents see that. I am real glad Gerardo and my parents have a good relationship with each other. My mom is my best friend too, so when I tell Gerardo I want to go shopping with my mom, he says leave the kids and get. I do a lot with my mom because usually I am taking her to and from doctor appointments or always asking if she needs to go anywhere. Everyone is surprised her mustang (which is a 2001) hasn't even hit 100000 miles on it. I always say, its because I take her almost anywhere she needs to go.
My dad does sneaky things. I will give a true event that happened as an example. My mom, Austyn and I were traveling out of state. So the men were left home. One day my dad cooked a special sausage jambalaya meal just for Gerardo so he wouldn't have to worry about cooking one night. He surprised Gerardo with a huge tub-a-ware bowl of it. My dad isn't an expressive person but doing little things like that, then you know that my dad likes Gerardo.
My parents are amazing grandparents to Austyn, Lexy, and Ryder. They take them on all sorts of camping trips and educate them about each place they visit. They spoil them like crazy of course. It just so wonderful having them in the kids lives. Not everyone has that opportunity.
Well, My cakes are finished baking so I am going to go to bed now. Thank you for reading!
Friday, September 15, 2017
September 15th 2017
My husband has one of those jobs where one month he works day shift and the next month he works nights. Tonight is his first night shift of the month. I always have a hard time the first night he works. My anxiety always is heightened and I end up staying up late a night and sleeping very little. Luckily it's a Friday night so I will have a small opportunity to sleep in.
Depression and Anxiety is truly a mental battle. I have had been diagnosed with both 11 years ago, but I have noticed symptoms since I was about 12 years old. I do not ever compare myself to others suffering the same thing, because it effects everyone differently.
I have lost many friends because of it, and I was unknown at the time it was what was causing me to lose my friends. I have not rekindled the friendships I have lost because I still suffer with both depression and anxiety.
I look at depression and anxiety as people. It helps me in my head battle them, placing them as a person. Depression and anxiety even have a face. It's my face but a face of how they make me feel. Anxiety looks like someone screaming loudly, hands clawing at the face, leaving deep scratches. Depression looks like someone crying uncontrollably, not able to move and just wanting to get so mad and let the hate I feel in myself take over.
Just like with my son's ADHD, a lot of people don't understand how I feel having anxiety and depression. I am currently on a medication for them, it's a new one and in a couple weeks I have to go back and see if it helps.
I get asked when I express that I have anxiety and depression if I am suicidal. I will give my 100% completely honest answer. I am not having any suicidal thoughts, and I honestly believe it's because of my kids. I know my kids need me and they know I need them. They make me happy, they keep my mind busy, and I love listening to them. (Except when my daughter asks 6 months early about Christmas toys).
YES you can have depression and not be completely suicidal.
I also get asked what could of caused my depression and anxiety. I think it has to do with multiple things throughout my life. I was born with a physical disability. I immediately started having surgeries. I have had so many surgeries my mother couldn't even keep up with them in a notebook. I was teased in elementary about my physical appearance or wearing a leg brace. And at the time I just cried about it all the time instead of standing up for myself. I was in 6th grade and remember a boy looked at my left hand (which has 2 fingers which are short in length because of my Amniotic Band Syndrome) and he told me plastic surgery could totally fix that and I should have it done soon.
I also was in a horrible relationship with this guy on and off for 3 years. So many things happened at the end, and it sucked so much. There is many things I haven't told anyone about that happened because its not something I like talking about. During that horrible relationship I was also in a multi-vehicle car wreck. I was not in the worst part of the wreck, but there is a lot I remember. After the initial two vehicles hit hard head on, a vehicle in front of me was sideways where the passenger side was facing me. I was driving my car and I couldn't stop it because I was raining so hard. I tried to turn the wheel but I still slid straight on to the vehicle. One of my memories is seeing the woman in the passenger seat horrified look on her face as she seen me unable to stop heading straight on her side. After I eventually got out of my own vehicle, one of the worst off vehicles, well, the passengers were mostly children. One woke up first and was bleeding out of his ears. I found out a little bit later a 6 year old girl was thrown out of the vehicle and passed away.
I went to a therapist after the wreck, but I got more agitated and it really didn't feel like it was helping at all so I dropped out of it and dealt with it my own way. Was it easy? No. Everyone handles things differently.
When I met my husband, he helped a lot with how I felt about myself. One of my favorite things he does is when I am upset or dealing with anxiety, he helps distract me. I am not saying he completely understands what I go through, but when he does everything he can to make me laugh when I am down, or will just hold me when I need to be held. Little things help.
I honestly believe I will be battling my depression and anxiety for the rest of my life since I have been dealing with it since I was much younger. I have been trying to use my spare time in doing craft projects and unfortunately I have to wait till next week to get all my supplies in so I can start this new craft project I am so excited about doing.
Well, I better get back to watching peppa pig with my 2 year old, he is already told me about Georges "Mr. Dinosaur, GRR!"
Goodnight lovelies.
Depression and Anxiety is truly a mental battle. I have had been diagnosed with both 11 years ago, but I have noticed symptoms since I was about 12 years old. I do not ever compare myself to others suffering the same thing, because it effects everyone differently.
I have lost many friends because of it, and I was unknown at the time it was what was causing me to lose my friends. I have not rekindled the friendships I have lost because I still suffer with both depression and anxiety.
I look at depression and anxiety as people. It helps me in my head battle them, placing them as a person. Depression and anxiety even have a face. It's my face but a face of how they make me feel. Anxiety looks like someone screaming loudly, hands clawing at the face, leaving deep scratches. Depression looks like someone crying uncontrollably, not able to move and just wanting to get so mad and let the hate I feel in myself take over.
Just like with my son's ADHD, a lot of people don't understand how I feel having anxiety and depression. I am currently on a medication for them, it's a new one and in a couple weeks I have to go back and see if it helps.
I get asked when I express that I have anxiety and depression if I am suicidal. I will give my 100% completely honest answer. I am not having any suicidal thoughts, and I honestly believe it's because of my kids. I know my kids need me and they know I need them. They make me happy, they keep my mind busy, and I love listening to them. (Except when my daughter asks 6 months early about Christmas toys).
YES you can have depression and not be completely suicidal.
I also get asked what could of caused my depression and anxiety. I think it has to do with multiple things throughout my life. I was born with a physical disability. I immediately started having surgeries. I have had so many surgeries my mother couldn't even keep up with them in a notebook. I was teased in elementary about my physical appearance or wearing a leg brace. And at the time I just cried about it all the time instead of standing up for myself. I was in 6th grade and remember a boy looked at my left hand (which has 2 fingers which are short in length because of my Amniotic Band Syndrome) and he told me plastic surgery could totally fix that and I should have it done soon.
I also was in a horrible relationship with this guy on and off for 3 years. So many things happened at the end, and it sucked so much. There is many things I haven't told anyone about that happened because its not something I like talking about. During that horrible relationship I was also in a multi-vehicle car wreck. I was not in the worst part of the wreck, but there is a lot I remember. After the initial two vehicles hit hard head on, a vehicle in front of me was sideways where the passenger side was facing me. I was driving my car and I couldn't stop it because I was raining so hard. I tried to turn the wheel but I still slid straight on to the vehicle. One of my memories is seeing the woman in the passenger seat horrified look on her face as she seen me unable to stop heading straight on her side. After I eventually got out of my own vehicle, one of the worst off vehicles, well, the passengers were mostly children. One woke up first and was bleeding out of his ears. I found out a little bit later a 6 year old girl was thrown out of the vehicle and passed away.
I went to a therapist after the wreck, but I got more agitated and it really didn't feel like it was helping at all so I dropped out of it and dealt with it my own way. Was it easy? No. Everyone handles things differently.
When I met my husband, he helped a lot with how I felt about myself. One of my favorite things he does is when I am upset or dealing with anxiety, he helps distract me. I am not saying he completely understands what I go through, but when he does everything he can to make me laugh when I am down, or will just hold me when I need to be held. Little things help.
I honestly believe I will be battling my depression and anxiety for the rest of my life since I have been dealing with it since I was much younger. I have been trying to use my spare time in doing craft projects and unfortunately I have to wait till next week to get all my supplies in so I can start this new craft project I am so excited about doing.
Well, I better get back to watching peppa pig with my 2 year old, he is already told me about Georges "Mr. Dinosaur, GRR!"
Goodnight lovelies.
Thursday, September 14, 2017
September 14th 2017
Today, I went and ran around town to use craft coupons to get some items to start a new part of my crafting business. The traffic was terrible, and it also didn't help Jimmy Johns was doing one dollar sandwiches during lunch time. One of the Jimmy John locations is near a craft store, so it was really congested to get into that area at all.
I received good news from my doctor today. I had blood work taken two days ago to see if there was any underlying issues cause my depression and anxiety. My blood work came back completely normal. So while my body says I am currently physically healthy, besides my adorable chubbiness, it is kind of depressing knowing I can't blame some condition on why my mind is the way it is. Isn't that the human thing to do though? You want to blame someone for why you are acting "crazy". Oh well, another day goes on and I battled it through again. Even though the traffic today almost caused a few panic attacks.
My oldest son has been having a rough day today. He wanted to be more isolated from other kids. So his daddy went and spent alone time with him at grandmas house. My oldest basically lives with my parents. People say why?! And they also question my husband and I's ability to take care of him. What people don't understand is Austyn himself. If my husband and I didn't have our other two kids, Austyn would be more and capable enough to live with us. When Lexy and Ryder came along, he pushed away from them. He needed his routine which my parents could easily do since my dad has been at the same job for over 20 years, my mom stays at home. But he also needed his isolation. He loves us very much and we love him. That will never change. I get up early in the morning every morning to make his lunch for school, wake my youngest two and feed them breakfast, then go to my parent's house which is only like 5 blocks away. And make sure all my kids including Austyn is ready for the school day. Lexy has started homework this year so I haven't done much with Austyn on his homework, but I stay informed and involved. I talk to him about any problems and set up whatever he needs to get things done. He goes all day at school, then plays a bit after school, then he does an hour of homework.
Okay, an hour of homework... People think, okay? So?
Well, put simply, and doing one thing I hate to do is telling you a comparison. Austyn is a very smart kid. His inattention is a very big issue when his medicine runs out of his system. So if I gave Lexy and Austyn the same kind of homework, Austyn would take an hour, Lexy would take maximum 20 minutes. We have to make sure he is redirected OFTEN to be able to complete his work because the medicine is all out of his system when he gets out of school.
Now, I am sure I know tons of people who are against medicating ADHD, or even against the fact ADHD exist. I can tell you now that I have noticed the symptoms of ADHD in Austyn since he was about two to three years old. I can also tell you, my husband also has ADHD but went undiagnosed, which I think caused some issues before him and I met. I keep my husband on track and routine which I think helps him greatly. My son will get to the point he can be so independent and working hard just like his daddy.
If you research ADHD, some ADHD adults run into having addiction issues. It could be to anything, but my husbands was alcohol. He drank a lot before we met. When we met he slowed WAY down. Then we found out we were pregnant with our first child (Austyn), and now it's a very rare occasion that he drinks. Even if he drinks, it's like one beer. I don't want Austyn to get into financial issues which ADHD adults do have issues with, or addiction issues. Which is why it is highly recommended that family or friends stay on top of him and make sure he is doing okay.
There is times I hope Austyn can go without medicine when he reaches adulthood but I won't be disappointed if he does need medicine. It helps him, and he tells me it helps him. He knows he can get through school easier with the medication. He can finish his work, focus on new lessons, and that's because his medication helps him focus.
'
My mother and I have an amazing relationship with each other. We talked about Austyn's symptoms of ADHD since we first saw them. My only regret is I was scared to get him diagnosed because then he would be labeled at school. I think a lot of mental or physically disabled people have the capabilities to learn. When I was growing up, I seen many capable disabled students who could have a very bright mind, ignored and put into a classroom where they were just babysat instead of learning at least to be somewhat independent. We didn't get Austyn officially diagnosed until middle of kindergarten year. I was relieved that his teacher was willing to do whatever she could to make sure he was doing well with his medication while in the classroom. I still fear for that darn standardized testing. I know Austyn is smart. I fear he will fail, I fear they will try to keep him back, and I am prepared to homeschool him by any means necessary. I put him in public school so he could socialize. He NEEDED to socialize. He was the only child in the whole family for almost three years, so his "friends" were just his parents and grandparents.
Austyn is an amazing kid. He has such a big heart and he loves to try to make people laugh. I am so blessed to have him as my child.
Now people are probably questioning if I am hurt by the fact my oldest basically doesn't live with me. I won't lie, it sucks. But I never quit being involved in his life. Yes, I had days where I cried. I had days where I looked into his empty bed, wishing he was sleeping in it and I could just watch. It's hard, I still have days where It really gets to me, but he is loved. He knows that my husband and I love him so much. He is included in everything. He does Christmas, Easter and birthdays here at our home.
Austyn is my son, always will be my son. He knows that I will fight for him, that I will help him, that I would die for him.
Well, I feel better to get that off my chest. I know people won't understand my situation or I guess it's Austyn's situation. I just hope people don't think I just threw him on my parents lap and waved goodbye and walked away. I didn't, I would never. He is my little boy, always will be.
I better get going to bed, tomorrow is Friday. Ryder and I are planning a lunch date and park fun so I need to be well rested. Goodnight.
I received good news from my doctor today. I had blood work taken two days ago to see if there was any underlying issues cause my depression and anxiety. My blood work came back completely normal. So while my body says I am currently physically healthy, besides my adorable chubbiness, it is kind of depressing knowing I can't blame some condition on why my mind is the way it is. Isn't that the human thing to do though? You want to blame someone for why you are acting "crazy". Oh well, another day goes on and I battled it through again. Even though the traffic today almost caused a few panic attacks.
My oldest son has been having a rough day today. He wanted to be more isolated from other kids. So his daddy went and spent alone time with him at grandmas house. My oldest basically lives with my parents. People say why?! And they also question my husband and I's ability to take care of him. What people don't understand is Austyn himself. If my husband and I didn't have our other two kids, Austyn would be more and capable enough to live with us. When Lexy and Ryder came along, he pushed away from them. He needed his routine which my parents could easily do since my dad has been at the same job for over 20 years, my mom stays at home. But he also needed his isolation. He loves us very much and we love him. That will never change. I get up early in the morning every morning to make his lunch for school, wake my youngest two and feed them breakfast, then go to my parent's house which is only like 5 blocks away. And make sure all my kids including Austyn is ready for the school day. Lexy has started homework this year so I haven't done much with Austyn on his homework, but I stay informed and involved. I talk to him about any problems and set up whatever he needs to get things done. He goes all day at school, then plays a bit after school, then he does an hour of homework.
Okay, an hour of homework... People think, okay? So?
Well, put simply, and doing one thing I hate to do is telling you a comparison. Austyn is a very smart kid. His inattention is a very big issue when his medicine runs out of his system. So if I gave Lexy and Austyn the same kind of homework, Austyn would take an hour, Lexy would take maximum 20 minutes. We have to make sure he is redirected OFTEN to be able to complete his work because the medicine is all out of his system when he gets out of school.
Now, I am sure I know tons of people who are against medicating ADHD, or even against the fact ADHD exist. I can tell you now that I have noticed the symptoms of ADHD in Austyn since he was about two to three years old. I can also tell you, my husband also has ADHD but went undiagnosed, which I think caused some issues before him and I met. I keep my husband on track and routine which I think helps him greatly. My son will get to the point he can be so independent and working hard just like his daddy.
If you research ADHD, some ADHD adults run into having addiction issues. It could be to anything, but my husbands was alcohol. He drank a lot before we met. When we met he slowed WAY down. Then we found out we were pregnant with our first child (Austyn), and now it's a very rare occasion that he drinks. Even if he drinks, it's like one beer. I don't want Austyn to get into financial issues which ADHD adults do have issues with, or addiction issues. Which is why it is highly recommended that family or friends stay on top of him and make sure he is doing okay.
There is times I hope Austyn can go without medicine when he reaches adulthood but I won't be disappointed if he does need medicine. It helps him, and he tells me it helps him. He knows he can get through school easier with the medication. He can finish his work, focus on new lessons, and that's because his medication helps him focus.
'
My mother and I have an amazing relationship with each other. We talked about Austyn's symptoms of ADHD since we first saw them. My only regret is I was scared to get him diagnosed because then he would be labeled at school. I think a lot of mental or physically disabled people have the capabilities to learn. When I was growing up, I seen many capable disabled students who could have a very bright mind, ignored and put into a classroom where they were just babysat instead of learning at least to be somewhat independent. We didn't get Austyn officially diagnosed until middle of kindergarten year. I was relieved that his teacher was willing to do whatever she could to make sure he was doing well with his medication while in the classroom. I still fear for that darn standardized testing. I know Austyn is smart. I fear he will fail, I fear they will try to keep him back, and I am prepared to homeschool him by any means necessary. I put him in public school so he could socialize. He NEEDED to socialize. He was the only child in the whole family for almost three years, so his "friends" were just his parents and grandparents.
Austyn is an amazing kid. He has such a big heart and he loves to try to make people laugh. I am so blessed to have him as my child.
Now people are probably questioning if I am hurt by the fact my oldest basically doesn't live with me. I won't lie, it sucks. But I never quit being involved in his life. Yes, I had days where I cried. I had days where I looked into his empty bed, wishing he was sleeping in it and I could just watch. It's hard, I still have days where It really gets to me, but he is loved. He knows that my husband and I love him so much. He is included in everything. He does Christmas, Easter and birthdays here at our home.
Austyn is my son, always will be my son. He knows that I will fight for him, that I will help him, that I would die for him.
Well, I feel better to get that off my chest. I know people won't understand my situation or I guess it's Austyn's situation. I just hope people don't think I just threw him on my parents lap and waved goodbye and walked away. I didn't, I would never. He is my little boy, always will be.
I better get going to bed, tomorrow is Friday. Ryder and I are planning a lunch date and park fun so I need to be well rested. Goodnight.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
September 13th 2017
My oh my. It has been so long since I have wanted to write and express my thoughts. I was ordered by my doctor to do more things I love to do. Writing is one of them, so i charged up my laptop and decided to give it a whirl.
Let me kind of touch base with you about myself. I am 29 years old, married to a wonderful man and we have 3 amazing children together. I also was born with a birth defect called Amniotic Band Syndrome. Six years ago I went and had my right leg amputated below the knee due to a repeated staph infection. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. Yes I am receiving medication and keeping well in touch with my doctor about my mental stability.
Now to move on. I have 3 children. Austyn who is 8, has ADHD, i believe he also has a sensory disorder but we are currently waiting for an appointment for further testing. Lexy is 6, my only girl, is a non stop chatter box. Ryder is 2, and loves dinosaurs.
I am married to a wonderful "Redneck" man named Gerardo. No, you didn't read that wrong. My husband is hispanic and yes he classifieds himself as a redneck texan. NO i am not joking. He listens to old banjo bluegrass type of music, wears a cap almost 24/7 and his favorite redneck word he says is "cain't". No i didn't spell that wrong, it's exactly as its said C-AIN'T. Even though he is a weird type of guy, i love him dearly and he works very hard for our family.
I am very close to my mom, so i talk about her often. Besides my husband she is my best friend. She nags me to death about my over exhausted tennis shoes but yet can sit down and chit chat about anything in the world. Our favorite hobby we do together (besides spoiling my kids) is doing our family history. My dad is in my life but we don't see each other often. Not a bad thing, usually when i do actually see him he is playing with my kids. He is a great papa, that's all that matters.
OKAY, so you read all that. Got a brief touch up of my life. I am doing this blog to express myself and also educate many people of being physically disabled, mental health, being a dedicated wife and mom of 3 children. My life is very wild and busy and the last thing i want is pity. I am just wanting people to read and learn. If not learn then laugh at crazy things in my life. I love humor and sometimes my humor can be dark or morbid. EXAMPLE: I was so excited last year when i went to wal-mart. I walked past the pajama area for women and found a nightgown of a gingerbread cookie with one of it's leg snapped off and it says "Oh Snap!". I laughed out loud and bought it without a second thought. It's relatable to my amputee self and it's adorable so why not. I wear it often, my kids are entertained by it.
If anyone ever has any questions please comment, i am welcome to answer anything. I think that is all for now!
Let me kind of touch base with you about myself. I am 29 years old, married to a wonderful man and we have 3 amazing children together. I also was born with a birth defect called Amniotic Band Syndrome. Six years ago I went and had my right leg amputated below the knee due to a repeated staph infection. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. Yes I am receiving medication and keeping well in touch with my doctor about my mental stability.
Now to move on. I have 3 children. Austyn who is 8, has ADHD, i believe he also has a sensory disorder but we are currently waiting for an appointment for further testing. Lexy is 6, my only girl, is a non stop chatter box. Ryder is 2, and loves dinosaurs.
I am married to a wonderful "Redneck" man named Gerardo. No, you didn't read that wrong. My husband is hispanic and yes he classifieds himself as a redneck texan. NO i am not joking. He listens to old banjo bluegrass type of music, wears a cap almost 24/7 and his favorite redneck word he says is "cain't". No i didn't spell that wrong, it's exactly as its said C-AIN'T. Even though he is a weird type of guy, i love him dearly and he works very hard for our family.
I am very close to my mom, so i talk about her often. Besides my husband she is my best friend. She nags me to death about my over exhausted tennis shoes but yet can sit down and chit chat about anything in the world. Our favorite hobby we do together (besides spoiling my kids) is doing our family history. My dad is in my life but we don't see each other often. Not a bad thing, usually when i do actually see him he is playing with my kids. He is a great papa, that's all that matters.
OKAY, so you read all that. Got a brief touch up of my life. I am doing this blog to express myself and also educate many people of being physically disabled, mental health, being a dedicated wife and mom of 3 children. My life is very wild and busy and the last thing i want is pity. I am just wanting people to read and learn. If not learn then laugh at crazy things in my life. I love humor and sometimes my humor can be dark or morbid. EXAMPLE: I was so excited last year when i went to wal-mart. I walked past the pajama area for women and found a nightgown of a gingerbread cookie with one of it's leg snapped off and it says "Oh Snap!". I laughed out loud and bought it without a second thought. It's relatable to my amputee self and it's adorable so why not. I wear it often, my kids are entertained by it.
If anyone ever has any questions please comment, i am welcome to answer anything. I think that is all for now!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)